Mother moon and daughter star… perfect companions.
The other day my oldest daughter ended up in the hospital with complications from her ongoing relationship with a faulty pancreas. She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when she was 19 years old & just beginning her life as an adult.
When this first began over 15 years ago and the attending doctor at the SF hospital told us why my girl was so sick, I remember feeling the deepest sense of powerlessness that I’ve ever felt. That says a lot, given what my life had already presented in the way of fucked up situations… It’s funny, but I don’t believe my insides have ever recovered. The distinct memory of it and the moment that I became fully present for what my girl would be facing for the rest of her life, is embedded into my cells. The sense of hopelessness was overpowering, as we looked out over the cityscape of San Francisco and held her close. We both just cried, hugged and determined to never give up. That she would remain healthy and strong, no matter what!
But, how do you resolve something that is out of your hands like that? How do you support your child to never give up, never lose hope, never stop being grateful for one more day?? Especially on those days when she’s so tired she can’t see straight, or when she just feels like shit, or the days when the pump doesn’t work or she gets an earful from the pharmacy clerk who says, “no insulin for you today! (silent message is ‘because of our bureaucratic fucking bullshit rules’)” and more bills, bills, bills to add to that stress – further complicating her condition….
You don’t ever resolve it – you learn that you have ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL in life. Not a speck. AND you encourage your child to be tough and strong, while you pray that you have the resiliency to do what you keep telling her to do.
This go round in the hospital was completely out of the realm of normal for us, in that I live in the Arizona desert and she lives on the tropical island of Maui. Add to that, no experience and therefore, confidence in the hospital. No connection to any of the caregivers or doctors and my own rock of a man, gone for his bi-yearly climbing excursion. Shit, shit, shit.
My beautiful daughter, Chelsea Briggen… and me.
My children are the center of my life. They take up the absolute core of what makes me tick and this daughter is connected to me, no less powerfully then her 5 other siblings – so my actual body being there wasn’t a huge issue for her care… (may have been harder for me, actually). All but 1 brother just happened to be on Maui as well as her father, so she had tons of support… Incredible support at that. With technology, we got to Facetime, text, call and use social media to connect – so even though it was gnarly rough – it was also really OK.
Tears were still flowing for me during those few days, as well as the emotions of anxiety, fear, worry, anger… you name it, I felt it. And my old friend, Powerlessness washed over me like a waterfall of grief.
Today is a different day – she’s home and slowly recovering. When I was all alone and during those intense hours of her admission into the hospital and waiting for the tests, etc. I would focus on this peaceful day (my now) and kept giving my fear up this way – (see – Kyle muttering over and over to herself) … “she is held in Source’s arms, the Goddess is with her, All is well… “. I just kept seeing her healthy, vital and living a hugely amazing life…
THAT’S HOW I GOT THROUGH IT & get through all the shit that life keeps throwing at me.
Remember this. It is not the stuff that happens that creates so much trauma, it’s how we approach it. It’s in your very best interest to develop a strong relationship with Source now, so when things are wonky, you have a solid foundation to stand on.
It’s not like I was all blissed out the day she went into the hospital – quite the contrary – No, I was terrified that I would have to lose my daughter and it was NOT an easy feeling to be with. So, instead of being scared I just took that day moment by moment, continuing my practice of gratitude and an ongoing dialog with my soul and Source.
It’s hard to remember how many times I went out to my tall, tall sky and wept frightened mama tears, imploring Source to keep her whole and alive… quite a few! Then I’d pull myself together and find anything I could to be grateful for.
To say that we experienced angels that day is an understatement. The prayers and love she received from her family, extended family and dear friends is and continues to be incredible. The fullness of this mother’s heart is indescribable. Love heals everything and faith gives us the courage to continue to love – no matter what.
No matter what it is that you are facing, open your heart to the gift there and just keep on loving.
We set up a campaign to help her pay her hospital bills and give her some time to recover. If you feel you can help her in this way, please do!! Share this link with others… Please and Thank You… Blessed Be.
And always, prayers are most helpful!!