sunsetAs we get towards the end of this Mercury Retrograde time, we all need a moment to investigate what’s happening. For me, the noise in my brain has been loud and I’m aware that nothing new has occurred to create the noise, but loads of things from prior life experience have certainly come up for review.

This is the way of Mercury’s backwards (apparently) motion. Review, regroup and don’t forget –  renew.

Mercury retrograde is a lot like cleaning out ‘that’ kitchen drawer – you know, that one that seems to hold all the shit you don’t know where to put, so you drop it in there. That one.

One day you are trying to find something and venture into the drawer and get caught up with a mad frenzy of clearing it out. You find all manner of junk, but there are also some things in there that are precious. Generally, you’ll be able to root out the junk and get rid of it. The jewels are put back in there, or maybe – just maybe, you’ll put that precious item somewhere more available for use. Maybe into your current tool box of great items to use.

Within us, we have jewels that we rarely use. We are all potentially hiding our gifts for some reason and they stay hidden away and even forgotten. The most valuable jewel you have is your ability to love. It’s your birthright, to feel & share love…  Most of us give or receive our love with conditions. Something along the lines of;

  • I’ll love you if… (or “you’ll love me if… “)
  • You can have this if… (or “I can have this if… “)
  • I’ll share this with you if… (or “You will share this with me if…”)

Why? Why are we so compelled to be stingy with our love or believe we need to do something to be worthy of love coming our way (or resources, or companionship, etc.)? Why must we only share or receive it when we feel that it’s reasonable to do so, rather than have our most precious jewel of love out there for everyone to enjoy and KNOW that we are more than lovable and good?

Because we are afraid, that’s why.

The other day I noticed that I felt really withdrawn, super tired and even a bit irritable. My dogs were needy, but that’s nothing new. The cat bugged me… she kept crying for more food (maybe because the fucking dogs eat her’s up all the time) and any time the phone rang I snorted. “Who needs what now?!”

This was the noise in my head.

It was so striking that I took a moment to sit with my feelings and inquire. Rather than keep going down the road I found myself on, I asked myself – “what are you feeling and why?”

One thing I know is that my thoughts create. They are powerful elements of life and I knew that none of these negative thoughts would create anything I wanted. Especially since the planets were moving in such a way to highlight my unconscious mind, I took the time to investigate.

What I found was clear… even though I work tirelessly on myself, my attitude and my life, the sense of being overwhelmed with others (even though NO ONE IS HERE) was a very old feeling. It stems from my life as a young girl, then a young mother and more recently as an employee for a major company.

There certainly was a thread, but NONE of these realities are active right now. My sisters are all grown up with kids and grandkids of their own. I’m no longer responsible to them. My children are also grown and have their own families, so my involvement on a daily basis is marginal. And my job was eliminated, so I no longer have to deal with that job… Yet, here I was put out and pissed off by the phone ringing & our animals having needs!

Rather than focusing on how I felt, I transitioned to focusing on what I WANTED TO FEEL. It was elusive at first, but as I focused on peaceful relations with others, acceptance of everything, trust in my life’s path, an abundance of love, resources and possibilities…  Magically, my heart lifted.

No matter how much I’ve grown, my human sense of being put out or put upon by outside things remains intact, albeit not as obvious.  Little by little and over many years, I’ve developed better habits of thought and methods for being accountable – but the frequency (or energy) of release helps me do a little more… OR if I wanted to wallow in my negative thoughts, I could do that too. The other day I chose to work my way out of it and bring out my shiny jewel of love and use that.

All this work on ourselves is for ourselves. It’s not so that other people like us, or that we are able to get something. Hell, when I look around my life I am aware of numerous others who feel quite negative about me…

Clearly, working at the level of the soul does not mean that our community will feel good about us… At times, said efforts will do that opposite. When your light is shining and you’re following your inner wisdom, many will absolutely run screaming from you. They will make you wrong and often build a massive case against you so they feel better about disliking you, or no longer relating with you.

Doing your soul’s work and being loving is not so that other people accept you, it’s actually developing unconditional love for you! This, in turn, makes you capable of honestly loving others, even when they are unkind to you. Practicing this can move mountains in your life because it forces you to be accountable.

Everything you have is a function of your beliefs, thoughts and actions. Sometimes what you have is obvious, but a lot of the time it’s not clear, unless you can truly listen to the noise in your head – the negative self talk – and take responsibility for what you’re hearing. In noticing your thoughts, you can shift much easier than if you simply feel that you “get” to be upset.

Why should I be pissed at my pets??! They are so authentic and pure. They love me even when I’m acting strange, being distracted, forgetting to put their food out, cuddle with them or take them for a good walk. They don’t change how they respond to me at all, so why – other than some lurking garbage in my consciousness – would I respond to them with irritation??

As for the people in your life, that’s also the same. Why should you get hot and bothered by people ignoring you, not calling you back, asking for help or even wiping you out of their life? Everyone is free to feel and think what they want and it’s none of our business what that may be, even if it’s personal.

If you get up in front of 30 people and share yourself, you’ll have 30 different reputations at the end of that chat. Not one, but 30! Everyone sees you through their particular lens and you have nothing to do with that. If their lens is cloudy with fear and anger, they will see you that way. If their lens is clear and clean, they’ll see you through that. Your work is to be clear and clean for yourself no matter what anyone else believes about you.

This is not easy, but it is simple.

On June 11th, Mercury goes direct, meaning that officially Mercury is no longer retrograde. You have a few days to work on yourself a little bit more with the wonderful energy of review. Without seeing your patterns or habits of thought, releasing them and/or changing them, you honestly won’t grow much. You may be able to shift for a few weeks, but without really accepting that you could ‘let that idea go’, you will definitely fall back into your bad habits of thought in short order.

Why not make this week matter and take advantage of these last few days of renewal?

For myself, I’m currently putting away all our stuff and finding positions and DRAWERS for everything. It’s a metaphor for me, all this organizing. Even though it’s a bit lonely here with all my human relationships changing, my relationship with Source sustains me… It points me back to self love – always.

My life, your life, our lives are not separate. We can learn from each other, love each other and grow together… OR we can allow our beliefs, attitudes, presumptions and conditions to separate us.

You get to choose!

In my opinion, being loving is the purest form of activism one can make. All the outrage and anger about the myriad of things that we do “wrong” is less productive than making the commitment to love purely. When we keep an eye on expanding our Universe with our love… forgiving all the perceived ‘wrongs’ we have suffered and being true to our divine nature… Well, that’s powerful!

And… it means that the junk drawer you have might just get cleaned out today!!

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